Summary:It’s baseball, but with 1000 years of cultural drift and short attention spans. With thanks to Futurama.

Teams/Players: Nine players per team.

Uniforms/Equipment: Uniforms are based on old school baseball uniforms, possibly with reinforced jump-cleats.

Rules/Play: Ummm…deliberately incomprehensible, but based on, well, baseball. Just “jazzed up.” Blerns/points can be positive or negative. Possibly. The ball, or “blern,” is on an elastic cord, and there may be additional rules/features/obstacles inherited from Pinball…if the ball ends up in a specific hole “multiball” mode is engaged; in one game a “hit this spot to win!” bumper pops up on the side of the stadium. During Multiball, if the motorcycle runs over a base, or “blern,” it–the base, presumably–explodes. Then the giant tarantula emerges. Sometimes there are clowns.

Other Notes: Don’t do this in your game. Thank you.