Summary:It’s basically Calvinball if you wrote the rules down, but with a 43-person team. With thanks to Mad Magazine.

Teams/Players: Two teams of 43 players, including inside and outside grouches, deep and shallow brooders, wicket men, offensive nibblings, quarter-, half-, and full frummerts, overblats and underblats, back-up finks, leapers, and a dummy. No, it’s not a serious sport.

Uniforms/Equipment: Hooked sticks, all around, and propeller beanies. Five-sided playing field called the “Flutney.” Teams line up on opposite sides of the Flutney to start the game. Wait, that can’t be right.

Rules/Play: See the original article below, it’s one sustained piece of inspired nonsense. Slightly less silly and arbitrary than Quidditch. Favorite line: “A variety of penalties keep play from getting out of hand…Frullip-gouging, running with the mob, and rauching are all minor offenses. Major infractions (sending the dummy home early, rushing the season, bowing to the inevitable, and inability to face facts) are punishble by loss of half the flutney.

Variations: Smaller schools may play a simplified game, two-man Squamish. The rules of the game are identical, except that in the two-man version, the object is to lose.

Notes: There’s nothing really sensible or playable or really usable here, this one’s just for pure self-indulgence. Thank you for humoring me.